Dumisa Lengwati
Videographer. Editor. Writer. Perfomer. Woman.
BEHIND THE SCENES
Whew. What a whirlwind of a ride it has been. Watch a short video of some of the antics that went down behind the scenes of BARE. It has been a lovely experience of getting to know three lovely and perfect and individuals, and in understanding their stories I have come to understand myself. I sincerely hope you have as well.
There are a lot of special people to thank, without whom this project would be non-existent. Thanks to my lecturer Dinah Arnott, for changing the structure of the 4th Term course to give us the chance to extend our skills creatively in ways we haven't done before. I have discovered new loves and capabilities, and enjoyed myself immensely throughout. I can now officially call myself a Multimedia Producer!
Thank you to Smanga Ngwenya, Magdalena de Beer and Ameera Mills for literally embodying the essence of this conversation through dance. You are thoroughly talented individuals.
Shout out to Drama students Siya Stone, Kimberly Mkhushulwa, Kate Pinchuck and again Magdalena de Beer for the very insightful input that I asked from you on a whim. I appreciate it greatly.
Thank you Quintin Carnage for my beautiful tattoo! Grahamstonians and visitors alike - get your tattoo(s) at Full Sail Tattoos; they are hard-working, passionate and entertaining individuals, him and Burt!
Juanita Praeg - you are one of my favourite parts of Rhodes. Thank you for your wise words, enigmatic smile and beautiful presence. Erika Wertlen - by far the most interesting new person I met! Wherever 2015 takes me, I am doing pole dance fitness. You inspire me. Keep shining your gorgeous soul onto all you meet!
Jason Randall, my partner in crime. I am truly overcome with emotion when I think of the valuable input you made in my 4th Year experience. Thanks for photographing my tattoo process, and also for just being you dude - a curious, challenging, beautiful blonde being. I have no other words but lots of love.
Lilian Magari - thanks for letting me pester you and borrow your camera. You are going places, guuurrl. Do yo thang.
Idi Nhiwatiwa - yours is the kind of friendship you don't come across often. We've literally been through hell and back, and you don't do what we did - finding each other again - if you truly don't care about the other person. That is the mark of a true and good friendship. I miss you dearly, and love you tons more. Thank you for always having my back, from Day One.
Most importantly, the beautiful bevy of BARE babes - thanks for rolling with my crazy, and for opening up in ways I'm not even sure I'd be comfortable with exposing. Your stories are all important, and they will all mean something special to someone. I guarantee it.
Tarryn - my roomalooms! Your fierce loyalty and friendship, and deeeep intellect are the things I appreciated most and aspired to greatly while we lived together. I am so very fond of you and am certain you are going to conquer the world. Do best. Penetraaaaaate.
Michelle - I first properly encountered you in 2012, and greatly respected the detail and rationale with which you explained your faith and the reciprocal respect you showed us non-believers. I'll never tell you what to do with your hair, but I've always watched from afar and will continue to do so. All the best in life and love.
Clint - what a talented magnificent driven sweetheart of a person you are! Wow! I respect you so much, the adversity you've come from, been through, and will probably still face in today's society, and the fact that you never quit. You always find a way to get what you want and not let others get you down. I want all the things for you. You truly deserve them.
And finally, you, the audience. In my subjects baring themselves to you, I hope you have found quiet moments in which you can bare yourself... to yourself. No matter how scary exposing yourself to others is, if you can't face yourself at your basest, most naked, most ugly form, the battle to survive in this sometimes downright brutal society isn't even begun.
Thank you for taking this journey with us. You are beautiful.
"The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself"
- Mark Twain
"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely"
- C.G. Jung
"I never loved another person the way I loved myself"
- Mae West
"The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel you need to show off"
- Robert Hand
"To lose confidence in one's body is to lose confidence in oneself"
- Simone de Beauvoir
As Clint and even more as Clintina, being part of this project made me experience a lot of things from beginning to end. I therefore expressed my true inner strength, as well as expressing the changing of my sex and emotions. I loved being part of this project because it taught me the basics of true honesty.
This hole I was in was terrible, but then I started to interact with the amazing idea that encouraged me to show the world not the part of me that consisted of wounds, but the exposure of changing from Clint to Clintina.
- Clint Haywood
I volunteered myself to be part of BARE because I was curious about my reasons for presenting myself in the way that I do. Our hair, make-up and women’s clothing are so often encouraged as mating plumage for the male gaze that I wondered if my physical presentation of self had very much to do with myself after all. By the end of BARE, though, I found that it did.
Explaining every step of my daily routine in front of a camera was a strange experience, as it forced me to think about my reasoning for decisions I had never consciously considered. In this process, and in my interview with Dumi, I slowly discovered the many layers of personal semiotic and sentimental significance in the outer skin I put on for different occasions, and that this skin is anything but facile.
- Michelle Avenant
Being involved in BARE was an interesting experience for me because it was the first time that I had to critically think about my own experiences and how I would and would not like to portray them to others. Having the ability to control what I said and did made it a lot easier to feel comfortable enough to share things about myself that I’d usually feel quite self-conscious about with a camera in the room.
What I hope people take from this is that appearances do not tell you the whole story or even close to it. I still have friends who are surprised to hear about my history. It’s really important to break out of these stereotypes (and stop relying on the internet for information that is often incorrect), because they negate the experiences of those who do not embody the textbook version of psychological pain, eating disorders, and other experiences that shape how we respond to the world, and in so doing they isolate people even further when they’re most in need of support.
- Tarryn de Kock